Submitted by Dillon (5/31/2004)
When I was a girl:
I trusted that I was suppose to be who I am.
I cooked, and baked, and even played house.
But I had other things on my mind.
I didn't want to play girl sports. I wanted to play with the boys.
I didn't want to dress with the girls, but I liked watching them.
My experience with guys was, never satisfying.
But when I was with girls it was.
So I thought I was gay.
But I still had dreams of being a gay, having a guys body, making love to my girlfriend like a guy does and being satisfied.
The more I tried to look like a girl the worse I thought I looked.
So one day I told my girlfriend that I wanted to be a guy. She said finally you come out of your shell.
So I threw all my female clothes out. And sent my girl shopping (because I hate shopping) That's the beginning.
Now I dress like a guy. Talk like a guy, but my body is still a woman's body. Everyday I look and everyday I hate it more and more. I am at the point of cutting of my breast myself. Some mornings I just want to kill myself. but I get up everyday and say "I am one day closer of my dream".
My kids are learning to adapt. They still call me Mom, but I did earn that right a long time ago. Soon I will let them call me what they want. But since I still have a body of a female I guess they have the right to call me Mom.
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