written: 5/9/15 19:55

Copied from QuestionsBeforeSurgery and QuestionsBeforeSurgeryTemplate. Also added Sophie's questions as well as some of my own. - These are my answers, please feel free to copy this page and answer them yourself.

My thoughts

These are just my thoughts on surgery.

Pros

Never having to tape again, never having to pull the tape off after ever day.
Never having to worry about popping out in public.
Never having to excuse myself before being sexual with someone to untape.
Being able to have pants off with my sexual partner with out feeling ashamed of my body.
Not worrying about people noticing my extra equipment while I'm in the public restroom.
The possibility of being penetrated, with out anal sex. Anal sex can be very painful for me sometimes.
Being able to have sex with a man outside of anal and oral sex.

Cons

I could lose the ability to orgasm.
I might not be deep enough to penetrate.
I might have little to no sensation.
I have to keep up with a dilating routine and stick to it, no matter what. (This might be hard for me)... but I think I can do it). This also means having the equipment (dilator and lucubration) on standby and nearby.b
This is expensive, even if insurance covers it (travel, lodging, misc medical bills).

Sophie's questions

These questions were taken from sophie via irc.

What is your motivation(s) for surgery, how would rank these motivations?

Having my body match how I feel, and how I live. Every time I go outside, I feel self aware of my penis and testicles. These days I use tape 100% of the time when I go out just to reduce the risk of popping out in public. I know people cannot tell what is in my pants, but I can... and it hurts.
I want to be able to have sex and/or be naked with someone, and not have to feel embarrassed/ashamed about what is between my legs.
I want to be able to be able to swim again (in public). I have not swam in public in 6 years because of not feeling safe with having a penis and testicles and swimming in a public pool. I used to swim laps all the time but have not since tucking/taping while swimming laps does not seem realistic.
(same priority as the last one really) - Biking, while I still do it sometimes, tends to make me sweaty and harder to keep taped/tucked. I do not do this activity as much as I used to and I feel being bothered by my genitals is the main motivating factor in avoiding these activities.

Is there any potential outcomes that you know of which you would consider a dealbreaker (Opens up for figuring out if that is actually a dealbreaker)?

I have read up on the complications around surgery. There are none that I see as complete deal breakers because the end result is still the same: I will no longer have a penis and testicles. So, even if I lost sensation and the ability to orgasm (two things that are very important to me) I think I would still be satisfied with the fact that I no longer have male genitals.

What are your primary concerns and fears regarding surgery?

Lack of sensation/orgasm
Lack of depth
Other major complications (improper healing, scaring)
Having a botched vagina that that I find disgusting.

How much time have you put into researching your surgery options?

About three years ago (two years into living full time), I started to check my surgical options that would be available to me. I have looked at end results, and have settled on Dr. Marci Bowers or Dr. Christine McGinn ? at performing the surgery suited to my needs.

Recently, I have looked again at the available surgeons that my insurance company might cover and I have not changed my mind. I am attempting to go for surgery with Dr. Bowers. I have seen her speak once at DC Transgender Day of Remembrance. From the research I have done, Dr. Bowers techniques seem to offer me what I want (although I realize this might not be what I get). If necessary she can graft skin from various places on my body (thighs, buttocks, etc) to increase depth.

How do you think you will benefit from the surgery? What are your expectations towards the outcome, carefully evaluate needs vs wants.

Needs:

To be able to pee.
To no longer have to tape myself every day!
To no longer have a penis and testicles!

Wants:

To be able to have sex with women, and not feel different or wrong
To be deep enough to accommodate the average male lover.
To have a fulfilling orgasm, and sensation.

Do you have any chronic conditions illnesses that might potentially be a complication or roadblock to surgery?

No. I was smoking, I quit.

Have you confirmed with any available surgeons that it isnt? Be honest honest with yourself, as well as your surgeon -- you don't want to end up dead because you hid something out of fear.

Not yet, but will discuss these matters

Methods differ between surgeons, given the above answers do you feel that you have found the best surgeon, for you, within your means?

Yes. I have seen results, and researched how Dr Bowers does her surgery. I feel like this is right for me. There are other methods that seem like they would also work for me, however in the end I do not see these methods as having any significant gains that watch

Questions Millie Gave Me To Think About Prior To Surgery

What do I want from my new genitalia? What do I want to have regarding my new vagina?

I feel I have already answered this in Sophie's questions.

Two follow-up hypothetical situations to try on and see how I would feel:

Pretend my new vagina was very short, only 2-2.5 inches, and unable to accommodate a normal sized penis without a great deal of pain.
Pretend I had absolutely no feeling in the area; none whatsoever. All it felt like was like rubbing on a piece of wood. How would I feel about that? Would I feel that I had made a mistake in having SRS?

Would I Still Have Chosen Surgery Knowing That Would Be The Outcome?

Yes, I also feel I have already answered this.

If I Ended Up With A Short Vagina, One That Precluded P/V Intercourse, How Would I Feel?

This would suck, it would probably bother me. This wouldn't be the end of the world. For one, I am currently deeply involved in a lesbian relationship, where depth doesn't matter at all! Still, I cannot deny that I would like to experience P/V intercourse. I am very attracted to men, and have always felt upset about having the wrong set of genitals. This feeling carries over into lesbian relationships as well.

Okay, So What If I Had The Depth, But There Was No Feeling?

This would again suck. I think I could live with myself, sex with partners would be less fulfilling... But now it is emotionally painful to have sex with my current equipment. There is more to life than sex, so while this would stink... It would not be the end of my world.

This Begs The Question: What If I Am Disqualified For Surgery? What Would I Do Then?

I would attempt to figure out what I did wrong, and try again. If I found out I still could not get approval I would have to start saving for a few years until I could afford a surgeon who would see me.

I cannot think of anything that should disqualify me from surgery, minus my insurance company being horrible (expected).

Categories: Surgery, Therapy

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