This is an email that i sent to my parents with the attachments - re: more information for them shortly after i told them that i was going to be transitioning (and that i was partway into it) i think the attachments works :)

http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=539 (this link is directly to the family support page)

i would recommend a program called "PFLAG" it's been highly recommended to me from other people that are Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) mom should be able to get lots of info on being a public health nurse... will make it easier to be anonymous (if it's still a concern) they have actual meetings at locations that are for the help/support... again highly recommended by other friends of mine that had to go through similar situations....

http://www.transfamily.org/resources.letters.html

the link above goes directly to a "letters" page, that has a few letters of how different family members felt and delt with the whole thing. there's a few different perspectives there... both (my partner) and i found this site to be really helpful - there's an e-mail group there, but (my partner) suggested not to bother, as there's a lot of people there griping about "why me" etc... and it's mostly oriented towards spouses of transgendered people... the letter from mother to family might be most useful ... but feel free to browse

if you go to the table of contents in guidelines-mentalhealth.pdf in the attachment - you'll see a small blurb on "counseling of loved ones" - i think the document is geared more towards the professional health provider, but i think you'll find the information there insightful..

i just included as a guideline similar to the one i followed for telling you guys: PFLAG Resource for writing coming out letters

(my partner) said this document was extremely helpful to her, for getting used to pronouns, telling people, etc.. she highly recommend it: kot-resource-guide.pdf

im going to copy and paste a Q&A here below - hope it's useful... (from a website that is not easy to navigate - but has some great info) - i also commented on a few A's to put them into my perspective...

Q) What is a Transsexual? A) A Transsexual (TS) is a person born with the mind and soul of one gender and the body of another gender. This results in Gender Dysphoria Creating extreme distress until the mind and body are one. The are both male to female (MTF) and Female to male (FTM) versions. Joing of mind and body can be accomplished with gender changing Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) or sometimes called (GRS) for Gender Reassignment Surgery. Many describe it as being born in the wrong body. Transsexualism is not a life style choice. Its is inborn.

karen: as far as i can remember there's been something 'wrong'... i think (with help from therapy) my memory goes as far back as me wearing my sister's stuff...

Q) When did it start?

A) For most it started at birth. Indeed, many remember their first thoughts were that something was wrong and that they were the opposite gender of what they were percieved to be. Some supress it until much later.

Q) What is life like for a transsexual child?

Being forced to be something you are not is cruel. Many have trouble in school and in social situations because they do not identify with their peers. It fosters low self esteem, beatings name calling and withdrawal. To Protect themselves many start acting like their peers. Its either that or ostracism. So many pretend to blend into their assigned roles. Its an act that can last a lifetime.

Q) What happens as a transsexual in Puberty?

A) Puberty is pure hell for the transsexual. This is where the serious problems begin. Self mutilation cutting and severe self abuse start to be an almost daily ritual. Then the real life horror begins as their bodies mature with the wrong secondary sexual charcteristics. Imagine how an MTF feels as her body grows hair and muscle mass. Normal erections become both confusing and terrifying. Imagine an FTM who starts his period and is revisted every 28 days. Imagine growing breasts instead of muscle. Most parents have no idea that their TS children live a nightmare daily. Transsexual teens go through this alone. Some become dangerously suicidal.

karen: this was hell for me - i did everything to survive... im sorry i didnt get the help could of had at the Clarke Institute in Toronto - as it turns out - Dr. Zucker has been basically thrown out of the community, and most of his work is seen as what not to do now days... so even though i might of been able to get some help, it was very likely a good thing i didn't open up and try to get it then/there.

Even at this stage teens rarely tell their parents because they view their parents as homophobic. Parents give off many hints about how they feel about the gay community. If they would not accept a son as gay would they accept him as a Transsexual? Schools give off more signals as gays are battered daily. Many also know that their peers would never accept them as TS. The only option is to stay in the closet where its emotionally dangerous and physically safe.

karen: basically - (and please - i don't blame you guys for this... or don't take this in a bad way. My views have changed a LOT since then...) I never felt comfortable to talk about it because from when i was caught cross-dressing - and doing other stuff - i was greeted with a fair bit of confrontation about it, and you guys seemed angry about it - (please don't be upset now - i REALLY love you guys) i felt that at the time, it was better to deny it/hide it because it obviously upset you guys... and i can't understand why i did what i did back then... i think that might shed some light on a past... im so sorry i didn't tell you guys earlier because it's really just made things tough for all of us.

Q) What happens if a Transsexual does not have surgery?

A) Suicide is a grim possibility. Almost every transsexual can report having had suicidal thoughts or attempts at some point in their lives.

karen: from time to time it had come to my mind - although when i 'caught' myself thinking of it somewhat seriously - i went and got help - last time was back in 2008 - so i've been through some therapy to deal with other aspects of my life before i was allowed to work on transition... Transition is very stressful... and i now understand why my therapist wanted to deal with the other aspects of my life first, because if i didn't i would of transitioned from an unhappy male to an unhappy and now also very stressed out female... instead now im just a stressed female, that's pretty happy

i have one more document that (my partner) just found - that might be useful... she said it has a lot of the simlar Q&A's but said its good - so ill add it also... it's called Document.pdf

it's extremely difficult to find good resources on transsexual/transgender subjects... most of them are related to drug counseling, homelessness and such... i am very lucky to be self-employed and with such a wonderful wife, wonderful parents, and have such great support... most people that are in my position end up on the street... and dead... i was certainly headed the same direction some 12-13 years ago... most of the programs in Ontario are geared towards - getting transgendered people off the drugs/street and helping them transition so they can hopefully integrate into a normal career... etc.. if you have any questions - just call and we can talk through it - and relate it to our life

lots of love, Karen

Categories: ComingOut Letters