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This is the actual text of the memo my director wrote regarding my coming out at work, with place/name holders to make it generic.

Memo From Management To Department

Introduction/Framing:

I have an important and sensitive personnel matter that I wish to discuss with you. One of our staff members has a clinically diagnosed medical condition that is quite unique and very significant, both for the individual, as well as for their work colleagues.

As you know, ordinarily in COMPANY, people do not discuss their personal medical conditions with their colleagues at work unless either they choose to (as is usually the case with close friends & acquaintances), or if it affects the performance of their work responsibilities and people around them must make some kind of accommodation for the individual. An additional part of the background for this situation is that COMPANY is very tenacious about protecting the rights and privacies of individuals, while keeping a supportive working environment that is inclusive of all, and that respects all individual situations, whether publicly acknowledged or not.

Specifics Of The Situation:

One of our DEPARTMENT colleagues has a medical condition known as Gender Identity Disorder (GID). This is a congenital medical condition wherein the individual has the identity (the psychology, thoughts, feelings, thinking patterns, etc.) of one sex but the anatomical body of the other sex. This is a very unique condition, and is thought to occur in less than 1/10 of 1% of the population; even fewer people choose to do something about it. Regardless of how rare it is, it does happen, and it has previously happened to people within COMPANY. Our colleague with this condition is OLD NAME.

GID is not a disease, and it’s not contagious. It’s also not a lifestyle choice, and not something to be cured. And of course no one would willingly ever choose to have it. It is a congenital medical condition that almost always causes the individual who has it tremendous amounts of internal stress and discomfort for most of their life, unless they decide to take action. GID literally takes years to even diagnose, and what each individual chooses to do about it varies. It is ultimately a personal choice of how to deal with GID. According to the books that I have read on the subject, most people with this condition become aware that they are having difficulty and are "somehow different" by age 5, but do not understand what is happening to them. It’s only later in life with lots of professional help and counseling that they determine what it is and how to deal with it.

Individuals who successfully navigate through the tough road brought on by GID, and who end up living a happy balanced life, usually do so by choosing to go through a process called transition. That is, they transition to the other gender that matches their internal identity--living, acting, dressing, contributing, and operating in the manner which is consistent with their internal thoughts, feelings, ways of thinking, and their internal identity. There are also medical implications and procedures to helping make the transition successful for the individual, such as hormone therapies, surgeries, etc. These are a personal choice and are not necessarily known to people other than the individual him/herself and their doctors.

What This Means For Us:

During the month of TRANSITION, our colleague with this condition (Gender Identity Disorder) will transition from living and working full time as a OLD GENDER (as we presently know him/her) to living, working, and functioning full time as a NEW GENDER. Furthermore, she/he will continue to have job responsibilities within our organization, and we will make whatever a ccommodations are appropriate to effectively support the individual, while at the same time, making sure that her/his transition is not disruptive in any way, and that we continue to do Job #1 for COMPANY.

At the present time, we have both males and females doing the work of the DEPARTMENT successfully and effectively. Gender has little impact on our ability to do the jobs that COMPANY asks us to do. Since our colleague of many years is not choosing to turn into something that we are unfamiliar with, but will end-up in her/his desired state of living, functioning, and operating as a female/male, there should ultimately be no problem. For us as professionals, we will be losing one of our male/female colleagues, and we will gain a new female/male colleague, with all of the knowledge, expertise, history, and personal experience that she/he’s had previous to the transition. Nonetheless, because of the rarity with which this type of situation occurs, the very idea of making a change of this magnitude or the "transition" itself, may be uncomfortable for some people. I acknowledge that there may a period of getting used to the idea, but with a little thought and time, I’m confident that we will be able to maintain the kind of caring, inclusive environment that allows us to do the job we have come to be able to do.

Introduce GUEST: INDIVIDUAL’S THERAPIST

To help us understand a little about this condition, and how people and employers deal with it successfully, I’ve asked GUEST to speak with us. We are fortunate to have a resource like GUEST available to us. She/he is one of OLD NAME’s medical professionals, is experienced in dealing with these types of situations, and I’m sure has provided OLD NAME with tremendous amounts of counseling, professional advice, and coaching on how to deal with GID. So for the next segment, I’ll turn the floor over to GUEST

.....GUEST....

Vision, Desired State And Roadmap For DEPARTMENT:

Simply stated, my goals are for us, as a professional community are:

• to keep the DEPARTMENT functioning in a professional, successful way, and
• to continue doing the valuable work that we do for COMPANY, while at the same time
• providing a positive, supportive environment for each and every individual in the organization, including the person who is transitioning.

COMPANY is very clear about issues around harassment, and any kinds of unwanted comments, remarks, gestures, or other innuendos that could, in any way contribute to a hostile work environment. COMPANY policy is also very clear about issues around diversity. I want each of us, as well as our entire organization, to be clearly within the policies and intent of creating an inclusive, supportive work environment for all. And so I’m making this announcement to you today, and asking for your help and consideration as we support our colleague in making what is a difficult and profound change, as well as to ensure that we keep fulfilling all of our responsibilities and commitments, and making the valuable contributions we make to COMPANY.

The Timeline And Process:

From now through the TRANSITION PERIOD, OLD NAME will continue to be here working with us, as we know him/her today. He/she will then take a two week vacation, and on START DATE will come back to us in the new identity of NEW NAME , living, working, functioning, and operating as a new female/male colleague in our work environment. At some point after that, the whole process will probably lose its significance, and we will be operating in our desired state, continuing to do the work that we do.

During this transition period, there may be some confusion, some awkwardness, or some other ungraceful situations. I’m confident that we can all learn to welcome our new colleague in her/his preferred way of relating. I guess what helps me the most is to recognize that the person is unchanged. She/he still has all of her/his experiences, knowledge, expertise that she/he had previously. What changes for me is the syntax of relating to her/him. In the few cases where problems or misunderstandings might arise, I ask all of you to help put people at ease, and to actively work to make things OK in the working environment. Through the efforts of all of us, I’m sure that we can make this transition smoothly, professionally, and in a way that is positive and supportive of all.

Resources:

For those who would like to access additional information, there are books, pamphlets, and web-sites available on this subject. We have access to other resources as well. I would be happy to speak with any of you individually who may have concerns, or who just want to talk about this. Each of the PEOPLE MANAGERS has agreed to make themselves available to everyone in DEPARTMENT to help answer questions and address concerns as well. Our personnel liaison PERSON and corporate diversity CONSULTANT have also agreed to be available to speak with people and help address questions and concerns. And of course OLD NAME him/herself has also agreed to talk with any of you who have questions or concerns that he/she can answer.

As it turns out from prior experiences with gender transition at COMPANY, COMPANY people usually operate head-and-shoulders above the norm compared with most companies. Sensitive personal situations have happened in COMPANY before, and been handled very professionally, collegially, and supportively by all those involved. I expect that the same will be true here.

Washroom Logistics:

When NEW NAME returns on START DATE, she/he will use an identified, "designated washroom". For a period of time after the transition, that restroom will be RESTROOM. For anyone who may be uncomfortable with this situation for a time, they may use the washrooms at the other end of the floor,. Some months later after the START DATE, we expect that all operations will be back to normal, and that there will be no further need for a designated restroom facility.

Attached is a summary of transition points. It discusses in detail what GID is and what it is not. It also identifies a list of reading resources and web sites.

Close:

Thanks for your help and support in orchestrating this challenging management situation. I very much appreciate your help and support as we move through this process together, and provide a work environment that is productive and welcoming of all.

Sincerely,

DIRECTOR
Director, COMPANY/DEPARTMENT
PHONE

Q & A

We’ve set aside some time for group Q&A now. After we take the time to answer your questions, we will close and have refreshments. Both GUEST and DIRECTOR will be around during refreshments and afterward to talk with any of you individually about questions or concerns that you may have.

Question #1: "How do we address/what do we call OLD NAME/NEW NAME between now and START DATE?"

Answer: Between now and START DATE, she/he prefers to be addressed as NEW NAME. After START DATE, her/his full name will be NEW NAME.

Question #2: "What pronouns should I use when referring to NEW NAME, e.g. he/she, himself/herself, etc.?

Answer: Remember that NEW NAME has been dealing with this transition for some time now, and is way far down the path to aligning her/his internal identity with the rest of her/his life. On the other hand, some of us are hearing about this for the first time, and are just beginning to think of our colleague and friend OLD NAME in a new way. What helped me personally to make the shift in my own thinking was by referring to NEW NAME with pronouns such as "she/he" and "her/him". During the time of transition between now and < span class="substitute">start date, probably what feels most comfortable in each individual situation would do just fine. After START DATE when the transition is complete and NEW NAME comes back to work as NEW NAME , we should be using "she/he" and "her/him" in all of our communications.

Question #3: "What do/should we tell customers?"

Answer: In general, I do not believe that there is a need to make any kind of announcement, or to go out of our way to tell our customers about this process. Of course when asked, we should answer directly and honestly. At the present time, while NEW NAME is still doing significant amounts of work to support customer delivery, we have taken steps to minimize the requirements for direct customer involvement. When she/he comes back fully in her/his new identity after START DATE, we certainly have the opportunity to introduce our new colleague NEW NAME to new customer situations wherein she/he can contribute her/his knowledge and expertise.

Question #4: "Who else knows about the transition?"

Answer: Because of the need for sensitivity and proper orchestration with this important personnel matter, we have informed other managers in ENCLOSING ORGANIZATIONS in an appropriate and confidential way. Specifically, MANAGERS at my level in ORGANIZATION have all been alerted about the situation, should there be any issues or concerns that arise. And of course, we have received s upport and coaching from our personnel people who are great resources in these types of matters.

Question #5: "What are my resources? Where can I go to learn more?"

Answer: We have ordered copies of the pamphlet "The Employer’s Guide to Gender Transition" and the book "True Selves" which are excellent references. Both of these are available in the DEPARTMENT library. After this meeting when I return to my desk, I will send out via E-mail the agenda for this meeting, a letter that contains the prepared text of my announcement, and a copy of the transition points. The latter document also identifies the URLs for web sites as well as other resources. I also offer myself as a resource to you, the PEOPLE MANAGERS have agreed to be available, PERSONNEL LIAISON and DIVERSITY CONSULTANT have offered help, and of course NEW NAME her-/himself is a resource to answer questions.

Categories: Transition, Work